The best things I did for myself during a long fertility journey.

Like most people, I was pretty unprepared for what was to come in my journey with infertility. While I thought I was more prepared than the average person, there was no way I could have adequately prepared myself for my future reality. Over 2.5+ years of pursuing fertility treatment I have learned several survival hacks and habits which hopefully can help others so you don’t have to learn the hard way like I did. 

If I could go back in time I would try and start many of these habits sooner; they have made a huge positive difference in my ability to cope through this challenging time!

1. Speak to a fertility nutritionist. 

I really thought I understood how to best feed myself for fertility. I must have followed 15+ nutrition accounts that specialized in fertility or PCOS nutrition! But the reality is, the advice given by free services like instagram can’t compare to the guidance of a professional fertility nutritionist who is examining your exact habits and situation. 

Did the nutritionist tell me some things I already knew to include in my diet? Of course! Did it help to have her explain why they were necessary choices and how they would impact my personal fertility? One thousand percent, yes. 

There were so many great things that came out of the sessions I did with the nutritionist; I’m sure I’ll do an entire post about it at some point! But in summary, speaking with a fertility nutritionist armed me with tools to use in my everyday food habits These tools have contributed to more confidence with what I use to fuel my body. 

2. Prioritize a regular workout routine.

This one has been quite a difficult one to be consistent with, because I needed to figure out what would work for me! Like many others, I burned out on home workouts after 2020’s lockdowns. 

My criteria for workouts were: something I truly enjoyed, something that was low impact and didn’t spike my cortisol (no HIIT here!), and a schedule that was easy to maintain. 

I’ve found a home in my local pilates studio and pop in for a class 2-4x a week. It’s made such a huge difference in my mental health and physical wellbeing! During the weeks in treatment when I wasn’t allowed to exercise I really missed it! 

3. Restricted negative words and thoughts about my body.

When I started to address my PCOS and take a closer look at my nutrition (even pre-TTC), I realized I had to let go of any judgment I would normally have towards my body shape and size. Think about what we are doing: we are trying to prepare our bodies to carry and deliver a baby. This is no time to diet, binge, or self-hate! 

This has certainly not been easy, but it’s been a worthy journey. There have been (and continue to be) months where my body doesn’t resemble its former infertility self. Honestly, I might never look like I did before TTC. The hormones and meds can really affect how your body holds onto bloat or weight. And that’s okay. I believe the end result is more important than fitting into my skinny jeans right now. 

4. Schedule time to speak with an infertility therapist.

This was one I resisted for a long long time. I prided myself on being able to handle the mental weight of TTC and infertility treatment. In reality, I wasn’t handling it well. I don’t remember what prompted me to google infertility counseling but I’m so thankful I did!

I connected with a mental health professional who specialized in (and was personally affected by) being “childless not by choice”. While I was still very much on my fertility journey, she was able to help me process some of the bigger feelings about infertility. Thanks to the internet, I could sit on my couch and cry whilst on the video call. Having my dog there to pet also helped!

I personally think grief is the constant elephant in the room with infertility. Having someone willing to speak with me weekly about how grief affected all the parts of my life was so helpful. After a few sessions I was able to process some of my negative emotions and truly feel heard by someone who had been there. 

5. Set boundaries. 

This is a difficult one, but one I have learned the hard way. Check out my thoughts on speaking to friends and family about your treatment. 

For me, I had to set boundaries with family, with balancing work hours, with food (thank you, nutritionist!), with consuming certain types of online information and more.

6. Limit time spent online. 

Maybe you relate to this: my husband can spend time online and see funny videos, useful information about the world around us, and informative conversations about his hobbies. Meanwhile, I can spend time online and see friends announcing pregnancies/births, tons of advice about TTC (educated or non educated), forums of people asking desperate questions to understand their treatment protocol, and stories of people who have dealt with worse infertility journeys than mine. 

One of these things is not like the other! We all learn the hard way that Dr Google doesn’t help comfort our fears. I had to take a good look at the ways I used the internet and limit the ways TTC/fertility infiltrated that usage. All those TTC nutrition accounts? Unfollowed. Anyone with a pregnancy announcement? Unfollow or hide. Only I can control the things I read online and setting limitations to the content I see helps me keep my sanity during this jOuRnEy. 

7. Prioritize vacation time. 

This has been so hard to prioritize! I would love nothing more than plan a 2+ week trip to a tropical location and completely unplug. When you’re an infertility patient you rarely have the ability to plan for more than 2 weeks in advance at any given time. And if you do have more room to plan (like, literally anything in your life), it’s probably because there’s been a setback with treatment that needs different treatment to overcome before jumping back into assisted reproductive treatment. 

My solution to this has been to plan 5 day getaways whenever possible. It rarely seems possible, yes, but you must prioritize this as much as possible. Sometimes that means that treatment may get delayed but mental health getaways are just as important as healthy eating and exercise. 

8. Switch doctors, switch clinics. 

This is something I’ve learned the hard way; honestly I think I’m still learning this the hard way! While I originally only focused on the sunken cost fallacy when thinking about changing doctors or clinics, I’ve been happy with my decisions after switching medical practitioners. Not every doctor will be a good fit for you. Just like fertility treatment can be trial and error, I believe that finding the right doctor for you will also be a situation that includes trial and error. If you're wondering if you should switch doctors, the answer is likely yes. Don’t be afraid to set up another consultation to get a second opinion. 

9. Cut the alcohol. 

I know this will be a very unpopular opinion. Cutting alcohol out of my weekly habits has been a huge game changer for me and my husband. Those big negative feelings I had all the time? You can bet that they felt bigger when I was drinking. Every time I had a drink to relieve the pressure of TTC and treatment meant that I was stuffing the emotions, only to have them bubble out when I was inebriated. Since choosing the sober life, I’ve had to feel my feelings as they come to me which helps me process them much sooner. Bonus, the drunk sadness blues aren’t a thing anymore! 

We didn’t stop drinking strictly for fertility reasons, but our first round of IVF happened to align with increasing cost of living and it made sense to take a break. I didn’t think I would ever enjoy being fully sober but I can honestly say it has been such a wonderful change! We’ve noticed positive impacts in our relationship health, individual mental health, budgeting and finance, and definitely has helped improve our physical health.

10. Speak up for myself.

There have been so many times when nurses or doctors have made mistakes or forgotten vital pieces of my treatment. The truth is, medical staff aren't perfect. They sometimes have a hard time remembering the specifics of individual patients. 

If you don’t speak up for yourself, who will? Send that message, ask all the questions you need. You’re in the driver’s seat (even if this is a rollercoaster that doesn’t seem to end). Be your own cheerleader and advocate.

I’m sorry you’re here but hope you’ve found this helpful as you seek to find things that support you on a fertility journey. Let me know which point resonated with you most!