Do you have infertility burnout?
Here are some signs you are experiencing emotional burnout from infertility:
You feel upset by things that normally you’d be able to handle - To me this feels like non stop PMS. The smallest thing can make me upset or make me cry. It’s difficult to see alternative perspectives or solutions.
Thinking about the future feels stressful - It’s nearly impossible to think more than two weeks in advance at any given time.
Basic self care feels really difficult - Eating three meals a day? Bathing more than 2x a week? People do those things?!
You crave comfort foods like carbs and processed foods - This is a very common effect of stress; your body craves carbs when under stress to boost serotonin.
Socializing feels like a big burden - The unknown that comes from other people can be really scary. Conversations don’t come with trigger warnings and these days there are potential triggers everywhere.
Nightmares are common - Especially dreams about being a caretaker for someone else’s children or dreams about loved ones experiencing parenthood instead of you.
You seek things that fill the emptiness - Podcasts, reality tv, a busy schedule, scrolling social media, and intensive workouts are all easy go-to’s.
Work stress compounds quickly - Maybe you put in longer hours to avoid thinking about treatment; it’s often hard to stop thinking about work even while relaxing or taking time away. You problem solve work issues in your dreams.
You’ve researched every worst case scenario for your diagnosis - Already know the 5 types of testing you might be a candidate for if your next treatment round fails? Yep, same.
You find yourself comparing to people in worse situations - When you read about other couple’s experiences, you feel relief to have not gone through their worst case scenario, happy to be “runner up” in the pain olympics.
You find yourself bitter that others have it “so easy!” Someone had success after a fresh transfer? They can’t understand my suffering!
You avoid responding to calls and texts - While avoiding friend and social situations you also feel desperate for someone to understand you or simply ask “how are you feeling?”
It’s easy to hold grudges against your partner for not bearing as much of the infertility burden - It is entirely unfair that women bear more of the stress and pain of treatment (scans, surgeries, so many needles) regardless of a couple’s diagnosis! Not only the physical burden, often the mental burden is heavier (scheduling early morning appointments, invoices due, chasing insurance companies, tracking cycles).
Trusting medical staff doesn’t happen easily - Why does it often seem that we know more about our treatment plan than the nurses who do this professionally?!
You regularly feel you “aren’t doing enough” - When so much is out of our control, it’s easy to feel that we could be doing more to produce a better outcome.
Often you feel that your body is failing you in multiple ways - I think this is due to the constant symptom spotting, the constant unknowns, the often confusing test results.
The idea of taking a break feels worse than the idea of continuing on - Now is not the time to slow down! That clock is ticking!
You’re willing to try things that aren’t scientifically proven - Supplements to improve uterine lining; chewing on a pineapple core for better implantation; you’ll try it all!
Extreme mood swings are common - You feel high high hopes one minute and depths of despair in the next. And the funny thing is, it feels normal. You’re officially hormonal 24/7.
The things that once made you happy now make you feel empty - Unless this infertility hurdle can be overcome, nothing will make up for the pain and grief that invades your every day. Your “happy place” (whatever that may be) has now been invaded by intrusive thoughts and no amount of online shopping or traveling the world will make up for the loss you’ve experienced.
And finally, You’ve lost sight of what the goal of infertility treatment is - Can someone please remind me? What is the end game?
If you relate to this list I hope you are able to find a safe space with a counselor or community. No one should go through infertility alone.
